Uncertainty

 Uncertainty 

Even in the uncertainty of cancer, I am at peace. My feathers aren’t ruffled by a questionable test result. I just want to be well informed. If I don’t get straight answers from my healthcare providers, I keep asking.

I can’t let abnormal scan results throw me for a loop and change the trajectory of my journey. I won’t be held down or held back from reaching my destination, even if I have to go to heaven earlier than imagined. That is my ultimate destination.

I’m still writing therapeutically; however,

It’s difficult working on my memoir. I would like to publish, butI’m taking it slow. I want to finish this project because I’ve got a story that could help people like me- the mentally disabled and those with post traumatic stress disorder. I may have had a more unconventional journey toward wellness that could be inspirational to my readers.

Focused on writing

 

I’m writing a memoir about my mental health journey. My story definitely has a memorable beginning when I was first diagnosed and it has an end in the sense that I believe I have closed a chapter in my life. It was so difficult before this point, but now that I’ve turned the corner to stability, it’s not so bad. It’s almost fulfilling and self actualizing.

I believe I have the strength to handle any trouble I face from now on. Hope springs anew. I have a much better and well adjusted attitude.

I give God the credit. As I read His Word, the holy Bible, its message became clearer to me. I read passages about character that seemed to be written about me. Verses about the mind go through all of Scripture. Discipline and determination go hand in hand when it comes to the Christian faith; it’s not for quitters or ambivalence.

The counseling and medicine did their part to clear my mind. I had to make the choices to respond to godly advice.

The story continues…

Maturity

During the last few years I have taken inventory of my reactions to current hardships and I have realized that trouble has toughened me up a bit, and the resulting pressure is , in essence,  has been just a propelling force toward maturity.

I just had my 55th birthday. I never had any children, so it’s hard to feel grownup.

I’m married (almost 30 years) and my husband feels the same way. We pay our bills and taxes responsibly (progress). We work at a part time job together and collect Social Security. We own our own home. But we still feel like we missed out on certain rites of passage.

We’re both disabled. Usually that is something that leaves you at a distinct disadvantage. We have suffered some of those disadvantages and come through them without it hurting our relationship.

God has been looking out for us. Our life together is a miracle.