Productivity upgrade

In the next 2 weeks, I will become a college student again after 11 years. I'm looking forward to my studies with some worry and excitement.

I hope I can be organized with my schedule and productive despite fatigue and the pressure of other responsibilities. Stress should not be an issue if I face assignments with a can-do attitude.

I've planned a budget to pay for school and stay out of debt. My conscience recoils from student loan forgiveness and default mechanisms. Education is worth paying for.

Making plans and setting goals has brought me to life. I have a good feeling of impending satisfaction in my abilities though I am disabled.

Things get done

 Motivated for success

March 15, 2923

It's been only 3 years that I have struggled with cardiac symptoms related to heart failure. I learned a lot about myself and what I'm capable of doing through sheer determination and will.

Exercise is doable when I get enough rest. Sometimes I don't sleep well and lack motivation in the morning. I don't need to start my day before 5 or 6 am.

When I'm organized, I can manage cooking and light housecleaning. It helps to have someone come once a week to do the hard stuff. 

It's interesting to me how much I can do resting. I learned to use my phone productively and keep things I use by my bedside. As long as I get up and move around enough I won't lose muscle tone. I just need to lay down after working.

Delegating is a skill I have had to use to avoid overdoing it. I know when I need help. Thankfully, that help has always been available. When I communicate clearly, things get done.

Uncertainty

 Uncertainty 

Even in the uncertainty of cancer, I am at peace. My feathers aren’t ruffled by a questionable test result. I just want to be well informed. If I don’t get straight answers from my healthcare providers, I keep asking.

I can’t let abnormal scan results throw me for a loop and change the trajectory of my journey. I won’t be held down or held back from reaching my destination, even if I have to go to heaven earlier than imagined. That is my ultimate destination.

I’m still writing therapeutically; however,

It’s difficult working on my memoir. I would like to publish, butI’m taking it slow. I want to finish this project because I’ve got a story that could help people like me- the mentally disabled and those with post traumatic stress disorder. I may have had a more unconventional journey toward wellness that could be inspirational to my readers.

Focused on writing

 

I’m writing a memoir about my mental health journey. My story definitely has a memorable beginning when I was first diagnosed and it has an end in the sense that I believe I have closed a chapter in my life. It was so difficult before this point, but now that I’ve turned the corner to stability, it’s not so bad. It’s almost fulfilling and self actualizing.

I believe I have the strength to handle any trouble I face from now on. Hope springs anew. I have a much better and well adjusted attitude.

I give God the credit. As I read His Word, the holy Bible, its message became clearer to me. I read passages about character that seemed to be written about me. Verses about the mind go through all of Scripture. Discipline and determination go hand in hand when it comes to the Christian faith; it’s not for quitters or ambivalence.

The counseling and medicine did their part to clear my mind. I had to make the choices to respond to godly advice.

The story continues…

Maturity

During the last few years I have taken inventory of my reactions to current hardships and I have realized that trouble has toughened me up a bit, and the resulting pressure is , in essence,  has been just a propelling force toward maturity.

I just had my 55th birthday. I never had any children, so it’s hard to feel grownup.

I’m married (almost 30 years) and my husband feels the same way. We pay our bills and taxes responsibly (progress). We work at a part time job together and collect Social Security. We own our own home. But we still feel like we missed out on certain rites of passage.

We’re both disabled. Usually that is something that leaves you at a distinct disadvantage. We have suffered some of those disadvantages and come through them without it hurting our relationship.

God has been looking out for us. Our life together is a miracle.

Wellness Goals

Since I have had cancer, I’ve made some goals for myself.

One goal was to lose at least 10 pounds, which I did. I changed my diet somewhat, but with little exercise. Then I became sick of being sick with no energy, so a month ago I tried Protandim from LifeVantage. I saw results within a couple weeks. I did feel a bit of an uplift and less pain . I expect the second shipment this week.

Another goal was manage my money better so I can pay off medical bills. I have a savings account now with almost $500.

My mother has been helping me as well. My church gave a donation at one point.

I have hope for the future because of my faith in Christ. He will help me handle anything that comes my way.

Playing to strengths

 We all have strengths. Even as a disabled woman, I have ability. Sometimes you have to go through difficult times to discover how strong you are: I did. When I struggled to survive high school, for instance, I found out I was capable and smart. 

I find now that I am slacking off and not living to my potential. I have to reverse this trend before I go too far into complacency. I want to start checking off my bucket list now. 

I’m middle aged now, putting on weight and getting more unhealthy. I have cancer now. I believe I can stop it with good habits, like exercise and a moderate diet.  All it takes is one step followed by many others. To take that step is a choice- to choose life over a slow death.

Some of my recent choices have led me close to my goal of writing my book about friendship. I have finished the third rewrite which I will edit and add notes. Not all sedentary behavior is wasted time.