Focused on writing

 

I’m writing a memoir about my mental health journey. My story definitely has a memorable beginning when I was first diagnosed and it has an end in the sense that I believe I have closed a chapter in my life. It was so difficult before this point, but now that I’ve turned the corner to stability, it’s not so bad. It’s almost fulfilling and self actualizing.

I believe I have the strength to handle any trouble I face from now on. Hope springs anew. I have a much better and well adjusted attitude.

I give God the credit. As I read His Word, the holy Bible, its message became clearer to me. I read passages about character that seemed to be written about me. Verses about the mind go through all of Scripture. Discipline and determination go hand in hand when it comes to the Christian faith; it’s not for quitters or ambivalence.

The counseling and medicine did their part to clear my mind. I had to make the choices to respond to godly advice.

The story continues…

Maturity

During the last few years I have taken inventory of my reactions to current hardships and I have realized that trouble has toughened me up a bit, and the resulting pressure is , in essence,  has been just a propelling force toward maturity.

I just had my 55th birthday. I never had any children, so it’s hard to feel grownup.

I’m married (almost 30 years) and my husband feels the same way. We pay our bills and taxes responsibly (progress). We work at a part time job together and collect Social Security. We own our own home. But we still feel like we missed out on certain rites of passage.

We’re both disabled. Usually that is something that leaves you at a distinct disadvantage. We have suffered some of those disadvantages and come through them without it hurting our relationship.

God has been looking out for us. Our life together is a miracle.

Wellness Goals

Since I have had cancer, I’ve made some goals for myself.

One goal was to lose at least 10 pounds, which I did. I changed my diet somewhat, but with little exercise. Then I became sick of being sick with no energy, so a month ago I tried Protandim from LifeVantage. I saw results within a couple weeks. I did feel a bit of an uplift and less pain . I expect the second shipment this week.

Another goal was manage my money better so I can pay off medical bills. I have a savings account now with almost $500.

My mother has been helping me as well. My church gave a donation at one point.

I have hope for the future because of my faith in Christ. He will help me handle anything that comes my way.

Playing to strengths

 We all have strengths. Even as a disabled woman, I have ability. Sometimes you have to go through difficult times to discover how strong you are: I did. When I struggled to survive high school, for instance, I found out I was capable and smart. 

I find now that I am slacking off and not living to my potential. I have to reverse this trend before I go too far into complacency. I want to start checking off my bucket list now. 

I’m middle aged now, putting on weight and getting more unhealthy. I have cancer now. I believe I can stop it with good habits, like exercise and a moderate diet.  All it takes is one step followed by many others. To take that step is a choice- to choose life over a slow death.

Some of my recent choices have led me close to my goal of writing my book about friendship. I have finished the third rewrite which I will edit and add notes. Not all sedentary behavior is wasted time.

Great expectations in friendship

 Chapter 4 Great Expectations 

 

Everyone wants someone who cares about them but can they actually care for someone other than themselves? They have an expectation of grace

And kindness, and perhaps a favor and advantage.

 

Not everyone actually cares. They may have a deceitful reason for befriending someone. They expect capitulation not companionship.

A compassionate heart can sense a person’s need and 

Meet it by reaching out in friendship. There’s no other motivation than to be supportive. 

 

A callous person might see weakness and exploit it, using a relationship as a means to an end. This is tragic emotional abuse that cuts both ways. It dehumanizes and demoralizes people. 

 

Then there are people who are so desperate for love and attention that they will “buy” friends. Since this kind of relationship is merely transactional, it has no meaning.

I’d like to share what makes friendship real and emotionally beneficial:

A friend ought to be somewhat of a good influence in our lives and offer some benefit we otherwise would not have. They should be indispensable, and you should be indispensable to them. Their presence in our lives ought to hold real meaning. 

 

Second, a friend must be honest and trustworthy. A friendship built on lies falls apart eventually.

You should be yourself without pretense. Be straight forward without fear of rejection, because 

If someone doesn’t accept you for who you are, you’re better off knowing that as soon as possible.

 

Third, a friend is consistent with their attitude toward you. You know where they stand. Someone who turns on you is not a friend. A friend is loyal. A true friend sees and believes in the best of you. If something can come between two friends, it can be resolved. This would be possible because those

Parties have respect for one another.

 

They say you can pick your friends, but not your family. Sometimes people come into our lives and we interact with them out of convenience and proximity. We need to be intentional in our relationships. Are they healthy? Are you just going along to get along, or do you share something meaningful with your circle of acquaintances?

 

Some people have difficulty getting along with people, but I believe that even these people can have a few people to which they can confide. Maybe they have such a guard up to protect themselves, but they have a way of knowing who to trust. That’s just being smart, not being stuck- up. 

 

 Friends should inspire us. Do you look up to your friend, or are you trying to pull someone 

Up? It could be a little of both, but a close friend should lift you up. 

 

The writers of the Proverbs encourage their readers to seek wise friends for best results.  They help us avoid the pitfalls of life and can guide us with good advice.

 

A friend should be going the same direction with similar goals; anything that keeps you together. Like King Solomon said, How can you walk together unless you agree?

 

 

 

 

Recovery

After taking heart medication for months, I am starting to feel normal. Slowly I am getting into a workout routine involving strength training and walking. It feels great to have my strength coming back.

I set a goal to eat more fruits and vegetables and less restaurant delivery food. I haven’t been able to cut down caffeine, but I have more energy these days.

I am less tired and can do more each day. It’s like I have a new lease on life.

Asking for directions

Well, I just hired career help.  It gives me hope, and isn’t too overwhelming to start fixing my
Resume and cover letter. I’m still keeping everything in perspective as I continue the search for
A career.  I know I can’t do anything I want, only what I am capable of doing with disabilities.

I can reach for it, make a goal, and persevere, but if it isn’t a good fit, a career won’t work. All the pieces
Need to fit. I can’t force it. I can’t manipulate it. All I can do is assess my skills and limitations honestly.
Then I can make a tentative plan.

It’s like a treasure hunt. There is a reward for my efforts. I just want to make educated choices
And make the right moves so I won’t get lost.

I’ve got to pray like I never have before, a prayer to God for a compass and GPS for my life.